Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
