Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
