we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
