i always forget guys have bellybuttons
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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