Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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