someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
