First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
