got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize