Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
