i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
