I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize