Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
