This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
