my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize