your parents love me but you hate me
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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