i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
