I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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