I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Your cock deserves a montage
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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