The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
