butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
