I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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