wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
