but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
