btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Randomize
