Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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