By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
