just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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