i don't plan on having that self control this summer
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
