There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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