real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
