I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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