My room smells like vodka and shame
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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