so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
