I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
