she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
