My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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