So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize