who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
