there was a trapeze. enough said
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
