so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
