You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
