So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
