So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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