We're like a lot better than the average bears
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
