you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
