Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my shit smells like andre
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
