Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
