if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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