it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize