plz talk dirty to me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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