3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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