he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize