it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
is wine microwaveable?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
