from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize