when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
