dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
