Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize