Apparently you make a good broom.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
