I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
