Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
