I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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