I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Pants are for mortals
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
