I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
