areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
