Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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