why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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